What Should Have Been
by Tazbb12
Summary: Just my take on what should have happened at the end of Ep Chasing Theo. Olivia wanted balance and a family I don't think she just walks away from that even if she is struggling.


Needless to say last nights episode broke my heart. It makes no sense why they took these two characters and broke them up after they were so happy in season 17. There was very little character development this year and a sudden breakup ugh. So this is my take on what should have happened last night. Not every relationship is smooth sailing but Olivia had shown so much growth throughout the series and most recently wanting balance and a family to just walk away for the job is out of character. I hope all the Tuckson writers don't lose their inspiration because these two characters are so great to write about!

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"Now make sure you brush your teeth top and bottom ok," Olivia said tracing Noah's lips to show him what to do.

Noah just nodded and Olivia set him on the ground.

"Bye Tuck."

Ed smiled and ruffled the toddler's hair. He watched him retreat into the back wondering if that was the last time he would ever see them.

"So, can I ask what is going on with us? I mean I am not imagining this…there is something going on isn't there," Ed asked as Olivia started tiding up the counter?

"No, you're not imagining anything."

"Is this about the dinner…about me thinking about retiring."

"Yes, no…kind of," she admitted turning around. "I just feel like maybe we are in two different spots in our lives Ed. This job…SVU it is who I am."

"No, you ARE Olivia Benson…SVU is what you do. You are a kind, caring and compassionate woman who stops at nothing to take criminals off the streets and find justice for victim. That makes you great at your job but never forget you are Olivia."

What was she supposed to say to that? She looked down as tears pooled in her eyes.

"MOMMY," Noah called from the back room.

"Let me put him to bed and then we can talk ok."

"I am not going anywhere," he said with a sympathetic smile.

Olivia walked back to put her son to bed. She took a little extra time to hold him in her arms and just love on him. He was her sweet sweet boy and a source of pure joy and happiness in her life.

"He go down ok" Ed asked seeing her walk back into the room?

"Yeah, looks like you wore him out," he smiled.

"We had a fun time tonight…he sure does love those building blocks.

"Yeah, I am convinced he is going to be an architect."

A silence fell over them neither knowing how to jump back into things.

"So where were we," she asked just ripping the band aid off?

"I think I was just reminding you that you are first and foremost Olivia Margert Benson."

"Oh right..I have been doing this for so long it is all I know…and I love my job. I have a son who I have to raise and make sure he is a good person…all my free time what little of it I have needs to go to him."

"Liv I am not asking you to choose…nor does my maybe retirement have to impact your job. I'm not sure if you noticed but I have a couple more gray hairs than you," he said with a smile.

Olivia chuckled thankful for the slight levity in the situation.

"You are right we are at different points of our lives professionally. I am pretty close to the end and I can feel it my time is coming. I know you still have work to do…I know the passion in you still burns to give a voice to the voiceless, to heal the broken. Would it be great if we both retired at the same time and could spend more time together exploring what life has to offer….yes but it is not a deal breaker. Our jobs might not be in line but, personally I think we are on the same page," he said leaning back against the couch.

Olivia took a deep breath still trying to get her tears under control. She loved this man, she never doubted that. She was doubting how it was all going to work.

"We both have been alone for a better part of our lives, burying ourselves in work and meaningless relationships to fill the voids. Liv you don't just fill the voids you have me bursting at the seams."

"Why is it so hard? We both have been working so hard to make this work."

"Can I be honest here?"

"Please."

"Things were great…really great until you lost Dodds. After we started to struggle…and trust me I understand that losing someone is not easy. There were further complications as it was an on the job situation you were involved in. Since then it seems like your trying to be everything to everyone all the time."

"I am responsible for my team," she said with a slight edge.

"Yes, you are responsible to give them the knowledge, skill and tools to be successful. You can't control other people's actions and decisions…especially not criminals. Liv, it is ok to still mourn the loss of a friend and co-worker. It's ok to still struggle, but you don't have to do it alone. You don't have to retreat into work to try and make up for something."

"I'm not…"

"Think back to when things were easy with us…I would call you and you would be at home enjoying a glass of wine and watching Noah play with his toys. We would meet up for lunch because you wouldn't think twice about leaving the office for an hour. We would get a night cap and I would walk you home where we would just talk…when was the last time you left early and took care of yourself?"

Olivia smiled remembering so many times all those things happened.

"And this is not just on you…it is my fault too."

"Ed," she started but he cut her off.

"No, please let me. I saw you struggling and I let you work through it. I didn't want to overstep…I didn't want you to see me as the enemy during a time you were dealing with a lot of pain. I was wrong," he said making sure they were making eye contact. "I shouldn't have accepted your 'I'm fine' response as we slowly drifted apart. I think part of me wasn't sure how to help but ignoring the issue was not the right answer."

"What is the right answer now?"

"I'm not sure I know but I think having this conversation is the first step. Have you been to Dr. Lindstrom recently?"

"No, I haven't had…time," she said knowing that was the problem.

"I think maybe that is something you need to make time for. Maybe talk to him and see if I could come for a session or two and we can figure out how I can best support you. Liv I am not going anywhere and first and foremost I want you to be taken care of. If we need to back off a little and slow down so you can talk to someone that could help you…then that is what we will do."

"That is not fair to you."

"Do you hear me complaining? You know when I was in IAB I got pretty good at listening and reading people but I think I missed how scared you truly were of having a broken heart."

"I have never wanted something to work as badly as I do this relationship."

"And that is a good thing," he said breathing a sigh of relief. "I know recently we have been trying so hard but I don't think we were trying the right things. I think we spent three months dancing around each other and not taking care of each other. This is the first real time we are addressing us."

"So we aren't breaking up," she asked still fearful of his answer?

"No, at least I don't want to. We don't need to rush into anything but I can see myself with you for as long as you will have me…getting back to walks in the park with Noah, relaxing at home with a glass of wine, picking up Noah from school when you have to work late and spoiling him to no end," he smiled.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh. She knew Noah and Ed had a special bond and he spoiled him constantly.

"I want you area Ed. When you are around I feel better, its just recently I have felt guilty about not giving you enough time."

"I am a big boy Liv if I feel neglected I will tell you. I am sorry I just kind of sprung my retirement on you and implied you should too…I never meant for it to come off that way. I support your decision to work and I will be here for you and Noah whenever you need me. We will find our way back to smoother water."

Unable to keep the distance any longer Olivia crashed into Ed's chest hugging him for dear life. She knew this night could have turned out massively different and she could have lost an important part of her life. However, Ed wanted to continue to fight for this relationship and this family they were forming.

"I'm going to get going," he said leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Get yourself some rest and we will talk tomorrow ok?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. Maybe we can all go out to breakfast," she suggested?

"I would like that," he smiled headed over to the door.

He grabbed his coat but paused for just a moment.

"Remember always take care of yourself Olivia Benson," he said with a wink before walking out the door.


End file.
